I’m not afraid of ghosts. Yeah, right. That’s the lie I tell myself when my eyelids flutter open at three in the morning. Sleep is elusive and those dark hours before dawn are just plain creepy. A creative mind can make up mind-numbing creatures out of shadows. At least, I think they’re just shadows?
Let’s face it, we all die. So as I “ponder” my mortality, I have one thought. When my body ceases, will I at least know that I’m dead? I mean, I don’t want to linger. How awful it must be to stay behind instead of crossing over. After all, what keeps a soul here? Is it fear or regret? Is there really a Heaven or Hell? The gothic cross around my throat professes my belief in both.
As the moon glides across the sky and causes the night shadows shift closer to my bed, I consider the plight of ghosts. What if spirits are afraid to move on because they failed to tell a beloved, “I love you,” or, “Please forgive me…?”
This is what I believe; that leaving the mortal coil and embracing the unknown is the true leap of faith.
Suppose I died, from a heart-attack in my sleep probably. What if my spirit were to continue because I didn’t know that I’d died? What if I stay behind operating in an infinite loop quite oblivious that the world has moved on while I haven’t? How do I recognize that I’m stuck like a needle caught in the groove an old vinyl record? Not only that, I might possibly end up scaring folks for a millennium in the process?
As the shadows elongate over my quivering body, I pull the covers up to shield my eyes and huddle next to my sleeping babe of a husband. He’s no protection, but I feel safer.
I can’t stop myself. I have to wonder about this, too…is it me, or have you ever noticed that ghosts have expiration dates? I’ve never heard of a caveman ghost or a ghost that existed beyond a few centuries? Have you? What happens when spirits can’t or just plain refuse to “move on”? Do these specters become mad and powerful enough to de-evolve and become demons?
Sometimes these are the thoughts that haunt me at 3 a.m. When my husband and dog are sound asleep, and in the stillness of a very old house, I wonder if we are really alone.